Looking out the window at the bluish gray light, I can hardly believe I've been up for an hour already. It's 5:45.
What the heck am I doing awake so early? No clue. And I'm still wondering why my room was so bizzarely cold at 4:30 and if I woke up because of that or because of dreams. Hmm. Whatever the matter though, it is still rather odd that I wake up to cold air on a night in August in Clarkston. Usually if I'm to wake up this time of year it would be from being too hot. Weird. But really, all in all, this has in general been a weird year.
Seriously. It's weird that mom is actually letting me behind the wheel with out car. Weird feelings of extreme internal conflict (which have been driving me utterly crazy and I'm still rather mad at myself for having them), the weather has been weird (for around here) all year long, even camp seemed a little strange for me this year. Ugh. Is this just all something that goes with being 16? Heck, its even weird that I'm 16. And that I'm a junior in highschool this year. Time is going far too fast and it's totally freaking me out. I'm going to have friends who are graduating this coming year. That freaks me out even more. And makes me kinda sad, too. My two best friends are both a year older than me and its pretty depressing to think that in a year's time they're likely to start college and after that will probably be so busy that they will hardly have time to even be my friends any more. *sigh*
And there is another weird thing. What's up with me suddenly being so depressed/depressing?
I don't know. Maybe it's just the weirdness taking over my brain now. But probably mostly just from this inward struggle and me being mad at myself.
whatever. Pray for me if it happens to cross your mind.
I'm off to go watch the sunrise.
And then maybe reread my new favorite blog post that Jacob made. It makes me happy, for some reason.
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3 comments:
Isn't growing up just a painful experience? *shakes head*
I blame life. Again. *grins*
Actually, Sarah, I don't think they'll be too busy for you, not if they are good friends, which i'm sure they are ;) your chats and emails may be infrequent, but as friends, you won't let go. And remember God! lol always remember you can go to him with everything.
Feel better. Thats an order.
Yes, they absolutely positively are ;) Thanks.
and with a new perspective and knowing (lol and being reminded) that God's on my side, I'll always get out of these life storms eventually. I know I will...with help from above.
*grin* and I can honestly say I'm following that order. It feels good to know for the first time in a while I can go to sleep perfectly happy :-)
(good night, bloggerland!)
(PS. I think a newer less depressing post will be on its way after I get back from waitsberg/walla walla in a couple days)
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