You'll Make Something of Yourself.

Sometimes I just feel like giving up.
People like to claim I'll make something of myself; somehow be successful or whatever.
All I see are miserable jobs with even more miserable hours staring me in the face.

They say "start at the bottom and work your way up"
...Work my way up to what?
How do I work my way up to something when I have no goal in the first place?

Sure, I've had goals. Lots of them.
None of them are realistically possible in this little town where I live.
Don't get me wrong; I love my town.
There's just no opportunity here.

"If you go to college, you'll have a better chance at a decent job."
Yeah. A chance. That's not a guarantee.
Besides, all the colleges that I actually want to attend are too expensive.

"You could always get married", they say.
Sure. That sounds feasible.
I have an amazing boyfriend; Other than my younger brother,
Zach is absolutely my favorite person ever.

At least, sometimes that sounds feasible.
As long as I have a wonderful Reformed Baptist church family like the one here
I could be happy nearly anywhere, especially with him.
But as much as I wish I could be, I'm not cut out for big city life.
And that's where he's bound to live.

Would he even be happy in a church like mine anyways?
I'm never sure.
Some how not many people seem to be fans of our service style.
But I love it.

It would be nice if people could be encouraging in some form.
Every idea I have gets shot down...
"You can't go to school at Providence."
"You'd kill yourself going ANYWHERE in a large city. You barely navigate your town."
"You won't get a job you enjoy."
"You could never live on your own."

So great. Where does this leave me?
I guess I could live with my parents until they die.
Work at a job that sucks, since they need me to help pay the bills.
Yeah. I guess when people said "You'll make something of yourself",
They didn't necessarily say what. It is something, I guess.

2011